Chalk Is Evil

It is confirmed. There is no right to keep and bear chalk in the U.S. Constitution. Lack of that right allows colleges to ban the dangerous carbonate substance before it causes irreparable harm to the minds of the little snowflakes forced to see the sidewalk art. Emory University students tucked away in the Druid Hills area of Atlanta were the first to reel at the sight of chalk aggression, prompting school leaders to study whether the ‘Trump” name makes the little darlings feel unsafe–students even compared the name Trump to Nazi symbology. Chicago’s DePaul University leads the way on chalk-free zones on college campuses, banning the new multicolored evil on campus grounds and within 500 feet of its boundaries because Trump messages, such as “Trump for President 2016” and “Trump Train 2016” are too “offensive, hurtful and divisive” for the dwarf minds of the Millennial emos inhabiting its classrooms. Apparently the delicate snowflakes scurry to their dark “safe spaces” to cry at the sight of the sidewalk drawings they see as either “micro-aggressions” or “macro-aggressions,” depending on their tolerance level of pain at the sight of “Trump.” DePaul justifies the ban by declaring its nonprofit status makes the political slogans partisan and therefore illegal. By TJ Edwards

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